As a child growing up in a big family I lived next door to an only child. Her house was like a foreign country to me, a place with a culture completely different from ours. It was quiet, sometimes lonely, indulgent and often boring. My friend never ran out of cookies or underwear. Her toys stayed put but she had no one’s clothes to borrow. She taught me to play solitaire and actually liked to take my little brother for a walk. She had a pretty room but unless I spent the night she had to sleep in it all alone.
Margo made me realize, if not always appreciate, the profound influence of brothers and sisters.
I still live in a big family. Like I did, my kids sometimes wish to be only children. Unlike mine, many of their brothers and sisters joined our family by adoption, bringing with them histories, cultures, genetic predispositions, talents and temperaments which enrich and complicate their lives.
This issue focuses on siblings – the often forgotten adoptive relationship. Who helps an adopted child deal with the birth of a brother or an eight-year-old cope with the addition of a child with special needs? How often do we consider the impact on a child and her friends when a sibling is acting out her emotional problems? In our zeal to emphasize the permanence of adoption do we leave birth kids wondering how important they are?
Once when our son Kevin was a little boy he was joking with his siblings in the back of the car. They were thinking of all the ways they could raise money. Kevin, who was too young to earn money, listed all the things he could sell. In brotherly fashion he included, "one of my sisters." When I inquired politely he replied it would have to be Tasha, his birth sib. Why? "Well," Kevin replied with preschool wisdom, "the other girls are adopted, and you said, ‘Adoption is for always.’"
Thanks, Kevin, and all who remind us in this issue and in our lives that our task is to ensure a permanent, loving home for all our children – It’s only FAIR.